You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
