It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
