you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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