Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
