I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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