Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
