I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
