she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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