dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize