Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
