Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
