Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
