We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize