I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
