either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Drunk is not a location!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
