at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
