His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
