Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
