It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
