Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
