My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Someone came in the potted fern
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the raccoons are back...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
