ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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