I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
