see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize