I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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