Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
