we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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