I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
