u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
