somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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