Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
