he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
