arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
