I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
