Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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