Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
