Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
