Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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