We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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