When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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