I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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