Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
