Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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