she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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