I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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