Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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