How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
