i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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