The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize