I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
