i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
