i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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