You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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