You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize