Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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