God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
