Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
