White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
