Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
