I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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