Im at strip club and am horny
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
