you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
