i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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