1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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