Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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