wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
