Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
