I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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