We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize