Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
