I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
