My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
