it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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