His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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