Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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