I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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